What is a DIY Funeral?
A DIY funeral is a funeral organised by yourself with minimal help from a Funeral Director
DIY funerals are not for the faint-hearted but they are totally do-able with the right advice.
Funeral Directors
An Undertaker is the original and more appropriate term for a Funeral Director and both are relatively recent concepts. The original purpose of the ‘undertaker’ was to ‘undertake’ certain tasks so that you don’t have to, which is great, but overtime this has changed. Independent Funeral Directors still often take this approach. However, the bigger companies have become more ‘directive’ at times than they need to be.
Working with a Funeral Director you trust is the easiest way to organise a funeral but many people prefer the freedom afforded them by going it alone. Some also save money this way. So is a DIY funeral ceremony for you?
How is a DIY Funeral different to using professionals?
With a DIY funeral you get to choose how to proceed on your own terms because, obviously, you are doing it yourself. With this type of funeral there is no interference and no uneccessary costs from Funeral Directors. You also decide not to take advantage of their often considerable expertise and skill OR, you can work with them to help you to do it yourself.
You will need to decide how to take care of your person’s body, book venues, decide upon transport options and organise all of the logistics. But you might find that it isn’t as hard as it sounds or as difficult as you think! Doing it all yourself can be cathartic for some families and friends.
6 things to consider for a DIY funeral
- The body of your person
- Paperwork, who to call!
- The people in your ‘team’
- Ceremony & Reception
- The logistics: date, time, attendees
- Transport
1 The Body of your person
Immediately after your person dies you might be anxious about what to do with their body. Rule number one is to make sure that you don’t do anything in a hurry. There are no legal requirements to do anything immediately. You do not have to move your person or have them taken away. You don’t have to do anything! You can make tea, cry, call your people or go for a nap. Try to understand your own needs even though this can be really hard.
Furthermore, you don’t need to make any decisions. Funeral Directors work to a short timeframe and it suits their needs for your to make quick decisions. It is really important that you take your time. This is your person and they do not belong to anyone else. Don’t feel that you need to call a Funeral Director.
IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO WORK OUT WHAT YOU NEED BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY DECISIONS!
When you are ready you need to call your Dr as you will need to have a Medical Professional come to confirm that your person has died. Even calling your Dr can wait until morning. You might be forgiven for thinking that you now have to have them taken away. This is not the case and you can keep them at home with you. You do not have to have them taken away unless for practical reasons you need to do so.
CALL YOUR DOCTOR
DON'T RUSH TO CALL A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
It is still not necessary even at this stage to call a Funeral Director but you do need to make a decision. You need to decide whether to keep your person with you or have them taken into the care of another person or taken to a different place. Often at this point a person’s body will be taken to a mortuary or a chapel of rest but they can stay with you. In the past this was always what would happen and people were not ‘taken away.
Whether you decide to keep them at home with you or have them taken into the care of an Undertaker you need to know that both are totally legal. Do what is right for you.
With the right advice and support, sometimes, you can keep your person with you at home for a week or more, sometimes considerably longer, as long as you find a way to keep their body cool.
2 Paperwork for a DIY funeral
REGISTER THE DEATH WHEN YOU ARE READY
As soon as you reasonably can you will need to register the death. You can find out how to do so here:
So, you’ve decided to do it yourself. Now you need to decide upon who is going to help you with your DIY funeral.
3 The People on your DIY Funeral team
When creating your DIY Funeral it is important to work out who the people are who can help you because in reality no one can do this completely on their own.
Once you have decided that you want to do it yourself, call those whom you trust and who you know will understand your decision. Some people will not understand your decision and so you need to choose people who are honest but have no agenda. Make sure they are not simply projecting their own fears onto you or trying to protect you without good reason.
ASK FOR HELP
You are going to have to ask for help! Taking on the task of creating a funeral ceremony means that you will need to choose people who are unafraid of death and trust you to know your own needs. Choose people who have time to support you with practical concerns.
By practical concerns I mean logistics. You will probably need: an Organiser, a Technical person, a Creative person, a practical person, a Writer/confident Speaker. Gather your people and start to chat about what you need
4 Ceremony & Reception for DIY Funerals Ceremonies
THINK ABOUT THE PERSON, WHERE WAS A FAVOURITE PLACE?
What about the ceremony and the reception? You may have no idea what you want for either the funeral ceremony or the reception, or you may have clear ideas.
Again, the best place to start is with the person who died, where were their favourite places? Who they were and what they loved. But you also need to think about you and the people left behind, who are you and what do you need?
LOW COST FUNERALS AND BUDGETARY CONSTRAINTS.
Many people are choosing DIY funerals because of budgetary constraints. Therefore it is important that you take time to work out your budget and where you want to spend it. For example, your budget will determine your venue. Will you have the funeral ceremony outside or inside, in the back garden or at the pub?
CONSIDER THE WEATHER
In the UK the weather will play a large part in decisions around venues, what is the weather likely to be like? Heavy rain, freezing cold and boiling hot sun are never conducive to healthy grieving and so you should always ensure that there is somewhere with shelter and water if it is hot.
5 The Logistics: Date, time, attendees
So much of creating a Funeral involves practical matters. Now that you know what kind of event you want you can firm up the details.
CHOOSE A DATE, YOU CAN HAVE A WEEKEND!
Choose a date, but don’t assume it must be mid-week just because they are usually all that is offered. This suits Funeral Director’s diaries and the Crematoria, but not necessarily you!
If you are having a ‘Direct Cremation’ (click here to learn more) you will have more flexibility. However, even if you are not having a Direct Cremation you can still have plenty of time if you need to delay the funeral for a few weeks until it suits the majority of people involved.
Decide who you want to attend and build a time and date around those people. Choose a time that suits you and your people and make that happen for you. Don’t be told you must have it midweek in a crematorium between 9am and 5pm and don’t be told that you must have it next week…
THIS IS YOUR PERSON
6 Transport
You will need to decide upon your budget for transport and this will be determined by the kind of ceremony you have chosen. Some people will use the family estate care, others opt for motorbike sidecars and I have even seen one with a bicycle! Your decisions around transport will be associated with the life of the person who has died, their personality and the amount of people who need transport. You also need to consider parking at the chosen venue.
I hope you found this helpful! I wish you well with your DIY funeral and you know where I am if you need me!