A. Family-Led funeral ceremony is brilliant for people who have the skills needed to create one within their family and friendship circle but don’t be tempted to try this alone. Read on to hear my 40 tasks to assign when asking for help.

A constant source of frustration for me is that in the Death Industry some Death Professionals will insist upon assuming that the closest people to the person who has died are their biological ‘famiily’.

In my experience ‘biological family’ are rarely the closest people to those who have died, often to everyone’s regret.  This is certainly true for me which is why it is a personal concern. Nonetheless ‘family-led’ is a word out there in the world of funeral ceremonies! So we are reclaiming it here to mean ‘family’ in the broadest sense as ‘closest people’.

A Family-Led Funeral Ceremony is similar to a DIY Funeral but there are significant differences.

Usually a Family-Led funeral Ceremony will involve a Funeral Director to an extent and it tends to be more of a collaboration with a Funeral Director with the ceremony taken care of by the family and the person who has died being taken into the care of a Funeral Director. This often includes transporting the person who has died. If you are choosing to lead the Ceremony as a ‘family’ asking for help is vital.

With a Family-Led Funeral Ceremony whilst you will usually be asking a Funeral Director to pick up your person, transport them and keep them on their premises there will still be a lot to do. You might ask them to provide pall bearers and to operate as Ushers when you get to the venue but your focus will be the funeral ceremony. In this blog I am going to take you through some of the things you are going to need help with. More importantly I’m going to make it easy for you to delegate all the tasks so that you can concentrate on getting what you need.

With a Family-Led Funeral Ceremony you will decide to create a funeral ceremony without a professional Funeral Celebrant like me. You will create the ceremony yourself and lead it yourself. So how will you make sure that you do this without becoming overwhelmed? I’m going to show you how.

PEOPLE WILL BE DESPERATE FOR YOU TO GIVE THEM A JOB!

Call your people and ask them to do something they already love to do…like baking, cat sitting or creating facebook pages for people. Whatever it is think of their strength and find something you know they would love to do or would be good at.

Not all the jobs surrouding the ceremony will be on the day itself and so you an delegate tasks to people according to their shedules.

Text all those who you know can help and put the kettle on, human beings are not designed to do these things on their own. Call in your community. My top tip is to ask people to do specific things, very clearly defined tasks. “Will you please press play on the music on the day?”, “will you provide a cake for the reception”, “will you read at the funeral ceremony” etc.

I heard a quote once which said ‘I honour your ‘no’ as much as your ‘yes’. It gives people an opportunity to help you and they are probably craving it and it means that you trust them to decline. It also gives them permission to decline.

Click here to hear the full episode about how to ask for help this podcast called We Can Do Hard Thing with Glennon Doyle ‘how to ask for the help you need.

HOW TO ASK FOR HELP FROM YOUR PEOPLE

I have created a list of requests so that you don’t have to spend time and energy thinking of them yourself. All you have to do is say “It would help me so much if you could X,Y or Z…I trust you to say ‘no’ if you can’t.” OR ask a friend to do the asking on your behalf and ‘rally the troops.

Once you have all the help you need you can set about creating a beautiful family-led funeral like this one here at Clayton Woods Burial Ground

So here goes, get specific! here are my top 40 TASKS TO ASSIGN WHEN ASKING FOR HELP

It would help me so much if you could…

• Create a WhatsApp group for those involved in creating the ceremony
• Suggest 3 people who might be able to help and contact them
• Find out the availability of the 5 most important attendees
• Set up a Zoom meeting
• Create a plan/spreadsheet for our Family-Led funeral

• Bring the dog to the funeral
• Feed the cat
• Create reserved signs for the front two rows
• Be on standby to look after the children on the day
• Help create the ceremony

• Ring around an gather stories
• Write a eulogy
• Read out the eulogy on the day
• Suggest or write some poetry
• Bake or buy a cake

•  Call the reception venue and book
• Make the tea
• Host a family meeting in your living room
• Remind me to eat
• Sit next to me on the day

• Choose the music
• Make a decision for me about….x,y,z
• Play your guitar during the ceremony
• Vacuum my home to welcome guests
• Host the reception at your house

• Do a reading
• Create a slideshow
• Provide photos
• Create an Order of Service
• Order some flower seeds for planting

• Buy the wine for the reception
• Make a list of all the people I need to thank
• Sort out a Just Giving page for charitable donations
• Check out the technology an bring a charger for my phone
• Arrange the chairs

• Write a checklist for me
• Bring a ‘memory tree’ with labels and pens
• Provide ‘t-lights’
• Bring a singing bowl
• Stay overnight at the house on the night before

The greatest piece of advice I can give you is to reiterate as a mantra…“do not try to do this alone”. You will be amazed by how much work is involved, the time pressure within which it must take place and the sheer exhaustion brought about by grief.

By now you should be well on your way to creating a beautiful Family-Led Funeral. Family-Led Funerals are so special and so personal and I know that it will be perfect. In my next blog I am going to be talking about VENUES.  This is a SACRED STONES LONG BARROW and I have a guest on my Podcast OPENING CEREMONY coming to tell us all about it.

I hope you found this helpful! I wish you well with your Family-Led  Funeral Ceremony and you know where I am if you need me!